Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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