I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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