sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize