Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
