dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is the high leading the old right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
