no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
