you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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