I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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