I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
