yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
