morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
