She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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