After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
