Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
