i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
