it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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