tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
