is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
