You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
