So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
