so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
