Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
