Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
