So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize