Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
