I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
