apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
