Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
