I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
