She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
