11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
