im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
