Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Houston, we have a blender
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize