Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
