I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
