is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
