They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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