Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize