Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
