we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
