Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
