I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
