Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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