Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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