i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
