What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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