when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
