2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
