I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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