I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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