there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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