I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
