I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...so i touched it.
she looked like the before picture.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
