hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would fuck him just for his dog
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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