yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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