I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
