Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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