We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
