6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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