it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize