do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
