I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
