Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
