just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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