I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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