saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
