Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
