i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
