you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
