im six kinds of drunk right now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
