I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
