...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
