Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
