69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
