...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
