Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
