so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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