I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
