I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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