it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
