I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There are leaves in my underwear?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
