Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
