I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
