I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
