I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
