I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
