Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
