Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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