I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
