i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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