um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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