I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
