ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
