So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
