i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
