just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
