I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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