had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize