The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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