sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
